C/H/Q Paper Products® Blog

C/H/Q PAPER PRODUCTS® BLOG


Welcome to the C/H/Q Paper Products® blog. Now you can see the innermost workings of our writing team as they create those episodes for the next season and beyond! We hope you like the blog's "urine soaked" background color!

Brainstorm du Jour

Quincy

We need to have "equal sex time" for the other characters than McGarrett. Let's face it, guys, he is the only person getting laid! We can work the romance(s) element into a story to take the place of the McGarrett/Danno banter, because I think people are getting kind of sick of this. I'll text message the other main cast members and see what they have to say...

POSTED BY QUINCY, MONDAY AT 7:35 PM

KEYWORDS: SEX, SEX SCENES, SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP, ███████, LARGE BREASTED WOMEN.


Hey, great idea! Danno should bang Governor Jameson to get promoted to head of Five-0 in McGarrett's place, making McGarrett #2!

REPLY BY SCOTT CAAN VIA SMS, MONDAY AT 8:22 PM


Quincy, there is no way that I am gonna do it with Kamekona! No way -- the guy will crush me! Oops, show is starting, gotta go!

REPLY BY GRACE PARK VIA SMS, MONDAY AT 9:02 PM


Oops!

Curry

I got so involved scrubbing toilets and cleaning the litter box last night that it completely slipped my mind that it was time to watch Hawaii Five-0. I only caught the last three minutes of the episode. Pretty scenery, I guess. All I saw was the guy dying on the Pali (on Oahu - hello!) and the bit where Chin says the police report for McGarrett's mother's death wasn't an accident report but a homicide report. Oh, and I saw the preview for next week. I better set the alarm on my Ipad now.

POSTED BY CURRY, TUESDAY AT 9:56 AM

KEYWORDS: ABSENTMINDED, FORGETFUL, INATTENTIVE, "I DON'T CARE."


My Muses: What I Use For Inspiration Each Time I Write an Episode

Hermano

1. Shots of Bacardi 151 each time I complete a page or write an interrogation torture sequence. [Hey, I am supposed to write those! -- Quincy]
2. Watching old reruns of "Hogan's Heroes" in order to learn the skill of how to write the same story 100 different ways.
3. Wearing granny panties while I type.
4. A daily diet of Kraft Mac and Cheese. To keep it pure, the macaroni is boiled in Perrier, and the milk and butter come from cows which are certified organic. [There actually is a Kraft Organic Mac and Cheese. -- Quincy]

POSTED BY HERMANO, TUESDAY AT 2:35 AM

KEYWORDS: CLASSIC TV SHOWS, CLASSIC FOOD, TORTURE, INTERROGATION, UNDERPANTS, OVER-PROOF ALCOHOL, CONSPIRACY.


Can we get this prop?

Quincy

I wonder if McGarrett owns one of these -- Navy Seals Men's Snake Eyes II Watch. According to some WWW site, "This watch is designed for the jungle, and can reach high moist [???] temperatures. Its light bulky [???] structure can be worn by those who appreciate simplicity and agility. Its large numbers and structure allows [sic] deep sea divers, soldiers and top secret agents [Is McGarrett all three? <g>] the ability to see without struggle." Only 50 of these were made, they cost about $600 each via The Shopping Channel. Does the show's budget allow for these? I'm sure the "Governor's budget" does. Maybe I will check out http://www.FakeRolex.com and see if they offer something similar.

POSTED BY QUINCY, TUESDAY AT 10:37 AM

KEYWORDS: NAVY SEALS, MACHO ACCESSORIES, TECHNO-GADGETS, EXPENSIVE PROPS, PRODUCT PLACEMENT.


Cat Tips for AO'L's Cougar Fans

Hermano

I love writing great material for Alex O'Loughlin because of his tremendous acting talent. We know he has lots of fans, including many ladies over 40. It's common knowledge that ladies in this demographic group love cats, and have many residing in their homes. I have always found cats to be fascinating -- they are perhaps the most mysterious of creatures. I believe they are involved in a wide range of conspiracies, including 9/11, Pearl Harbor and the sinking of the Titanic. Here are some tips for their care and well-being:

1. Do not let your cats ever taste human blood. It sets off a chemical reaction in the pleasure centers of feline brains and will leave them craving more.
2. If your cat is coughing up a hairball, you must ingest it yourself. Your cats will see this as a sign of reciprocity, and will subsequently feel more loyalty from you.
3. Cats actually like water, but hate peanut butter. They are of a mixed mind about oral sex (with each other or "pleasuring themselves" if they are not too fat).
4. Kitty litter made from ground-up feline remains actually will make your cat more likely to poop. It's all part of the circle of life.

Check back soon for more helpful tips.

POSTED BY HERMANO, TUESDAY AT 3:43 PM

KEYWORDS: DOMESTICATED ANIMALS, PETS, CATS, FELINES, KITTENS, PUSSY, CONSPIRACY.


I'm So Depressed

Curry

I'm so depressed today. I just can't shake the sad feelings yesterday brought.

For most people, yesterday was the anniversary of the attacks on Pearl Harbor. For me, it was an annivesary of a different kind. An equally tragic anniversary, though. You see, yesterday marked the 10th anniversary of the day we found my daughter's kitten dead in the basement. The poor little guy had been missing for over a week. We had scoured the whole neighborhood looking for him and my daughter was just heartbroken that her little kitty had apparently run away.

At this time, we had a foreign exchange student from Germany living with us, and it was he who actually found the maggot-ridden carcass in a corner of the basement when he went down to sneak a smoke. After he told me about his gruesome find, I was able to bribe him with two cartons of strong American cigarettes to use a snow shovel to scoop up the putrid remains and place them in a shoebox. We then put the shoebox inside a large garbage bag, and then we put that inside another garbage bag, and then another, and another, and another, until we used up the whole box of garbage bags. Then we put it out in the farthest possible corner of the garage, where it froze until garbage pick-up day.

Why was the kitten dead in the basement? Who knows? Personally, I think the snotty German kid did it. He was a pretty obnoxious brat.

So anyway, for me, December 7th is a day that will live in infamy -- dead-kitten-in-the-basement infamy, that is.

POSTED BY CURRY, WEDNESDAY AT 11:12 AM

KEYWORDS: HOUSEHOLD PETS, PUSSY CATS, LITTLE KITTENS, MYSTERIOUS DEATHS, CONSPIRACY.


OMG, Curry, that is so sad! I will be back on the mainland soon, can I send my dog Kimo to visit you? I'm sure he will cheer you up.

REPLY BY GRACE PARK VIA SMS, WEDNESDAY AT 12:35 PM


Comedians I'd Like to See Appear

Hermano

Hey, since Dane Cook was such a hit in the first season, here are some more comedians I would like to see appear this year:

1. Lewis Black -- He should play a villain who gets to scream and be irritated at McG and Danno all the time. He could really give Danno a run for the money in the "get your knickers in a knot" department!
2. Redd Foxx -- Sure, he's dead, but thanks to the CGI department, we can reanimate him and nobody will notice or care. "Hey you big dummy -- how'd you like five across your lip?" Perfect villain material once again.
3. Carrot Top -- He could play himself; he witnesses a murder while performing his stand-up act in Waikiki. Nobody shows up to watch him except the guy who gets murdered and the guy who murdered him.
4. Joan Rivers -- McG's great-great-aunt Esther. We find out she's so old she used to date King Kamehameha for a time when she washed up on the islands after an accident at sea. As a result of this, she claims she's heir to the entire chain of islands.

POSTED BY HERMANO, MONDAY AT 3:43 AM

KEYWORDS: COMEDIANS, HUMORISTS, FUNNY PEOPLE, GUEST STARS, DESPERATE CASTING, CONSPIRACY.


I Have A Problem

Curry

Guys, I'm going to be away for a while. Remember I told you I was cleaning the litterbox while the December 6 episode was on? Well, it looks like my hand got infected from contact with God knows what in the kitty litter. It's all swollen up and really gross. Of course, the fact that I had a couple of hangnails and wasn't wearing rubber gloves didn't help. There is only one place which can cure something this serious, the prestigious Institut pour Traiter les Infections Graves in Geneva, Switzerland, run by Dr. Hermann Sargnagel. I should be back in about two weeks. Good thing it's the Christmas holidays, we have kind of a "down time" anyway. So hold the fort until I get back! XOXOXO, Curry

POSTED BY CURRY, THURSDAY AT 10:45 AM

KEYWORDS: INFECTIONS, DISEASES, CONTAMINATION, TAINT, POISON, SEPTICITY.


I Don't Think So

Hermano

Quincy, I don't believe a word of this. Can you block her IP address so she can't read what I’m writing? Is it safe to post here? Just a minute, there is someone outside my apartment on the street watching ... I'm back now ... I think she is up to no good depositing money in a Swiss bank account from some anti-CBS group. Do you know anyone at Interpol we can contact for help in tracking her down? Whatever happened to that guy, wasn't his name Hans Gruber? No, that was the bad guy in the first Die Hard movie. Now I remember, his name was Hans Vogler or something like that.

POSTED BY HERMANO, THURSDAY AT 11:23 AM

KEYWORDS: SWITZERLAND, CHOCOLATE, BANKS, SHORT PANTS, CHEESE, NAZI GOLD, CONSPIRACY.

Don’t worry, her IP is blocked. Yeah, I agree something is screwy. Meet me at the airport later, I've booked 2 seats on next flight for Geneva.

REPLY BY QUINCY VIA SMS, THURSDAY AT 12:03 PM


I Am Here

Quincy

Hermano, where the heck are you? I have arrived. I couldn't wait for you at the airport in Honolulu any longer, since my flight was leaving. Did you get on the next plane? I was met at the airport by Interpol's Georg Gobel. Hans Vogel or whatever his name was retired several years ago. Georg managed to get an official car for our use while we are here, but I told him it's not too cool that the car has 'INTERPOL' painted in large letters on the side. Oh yeah, I thought when you arrived at the airport in Geneva, you were greeted by smiling blonde Swiss girls who showered you with kisses and gave you baskets of chocolates and Swiss cheese. Not the case! (Maybe I am confused with the airport in Honolulu ... the jet lag here is something fierce.) L8R ... let me know when you get here.

POSTED BY QUINCY, FRIDAY AT 4:53 PM

KEYWORDS: SWITZERLAND, GENEVA, AIRPORT, AIR TRAVEL, JET LAG, LARGE BREASTED WOMEN WHO KNOW HOW TO MILK COWS.


Finally

Hermano

Hi, I got here on the next flight. I was groped by those bastards from TSA. They found a flash drive in an unmentionable area of my body which contained some scripts for the upcoming Five-O movie which would be rated NC-17. They confiscated them, and now they may end up on the Internet. I was also annoyed because the TSA scan revealed my third testicle, which I'm very sensitive about. When I got to Geneva, it was 3:30 in the morning, and Georg was very annoyed because I was not "on time." I immediately asked Georg what he knew about the terrorist bombing which failed a couple of days ago. He told me that this bombing took place in SWEDEN, not Switzerland. Sweden ... Switzerland ... they sound the same to me. Anyway, after 30 minutes sleep, I am ready to go.

POSTED BY HERMANO, SATURDAY AT 6:22 AM

KEYWORDS: TSA, PATDOWNS, BODY SCAN, INVASION OF PRIVACY, HUMILIATION, CONSPIRACY.


On the Trail of Curry

Quincy

Hey, Hermano, sorry I missed you, but I have to get busy and figure out what Curry is up to. I managed to make my way to the Institut where she is supposedly a patient. Disguising myself as a Dr. Arschloch, I tried to find which room she is staying in, but didn't have any luck. I am sure she has been alerted to our presence somehow. Finally, I saw this person all wrapped in bandages being taken out of the hospital on a stretcher, so I was sure that it was her. Using the car that Georg lent me, I closely tailed the ambulance carrying the stretcher which took the "patient" to another hospital. I snuck into that hospital disgused as a Dr. Schicklgruber, which caused a lot of people to give me strange looks (I don't know why). Anyway, my pursuit was all for nothing, because it turned out to be some guy who suffered third degree burns when his fondue caquelon exploded. So it's back to you. Have you had any luck?

POSTED BY QUINCY, SATURDAY AT 8:46 AM

KEYWORDS: HOSPITAL, PATIENT, AMBULANCE, ESCAPE, DISGUISE, OBVIOUS TAILING.


Hey Quincy

Kono

Hi, Quincy. I am at your place to water the plants now. I found your computer still running, so I thought I would try and contact you this way. It looks like your blog is open or something, so I played around with that a bit. I hope I didn't break anything! Kimo (my dog) is here too! I set up a Facebook page for him the other day and he already has over 100,000 followers. This is too cool. Anyway, are you awake at the moment? I don't know how many hours difference there is between Hawaiian time and Switzerland time. I'm going to hang out here for a bit. You left what look like scripts around, so maybe I can get a sneak preview of shows that are coming up soon! :D

POSTED BY GRACE PARK (KONO), SUNDAY AT 10:13 AM

KEYWORDS: HMMM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO PUT IN THIS FIELD.


Greetings from Kimo

Kimo

Whoa! Kimo wants to say hello too. I managed to make a log on for him in the blog. Just a second, I got to lift him up so he can type.

SYUIDS PDFF 897009KJ DIOPDF[IOPIPO FDI PJ IOPODFS OIFDS-0IDFS DFS -DSF -SD -D= DFSDFDSF -0ES9=-4WUFD JPKL[ jo UIO0[D O0IF 0-= 8904TE 0-DFG -FG UIOF JOB JKO[ADFS OP[DF KL[PV KLVP[KOPDFS FSDIPO kop;sdiopdf idsfp[df iopdsf sdf dspfdsf dfi odf dsfdsf dsf io[psdf io[psdf IO[PSIOP[SD IO[PDSF IO[DSF IOP[DFS IOP[SDF io[p iop[sdf iodsf iop[dsf io[pdfs io[psd-9esf 9-0dfs ip[dsf k;l l;' kl;'dfs l;'dfs l;'sdf l';jop7y89dsfhjujiopdsfjkpldsflk;dfslk;'dsfl;kdfsl;k' mkl'sd l'dfskl;dfskl;'fdsl;k'e8w90 iods9 i0ds 80=di dsf8 09

I think that is "dog language" or something. :D

By the way, Kimo had to "go" on the carpet, but don't worry, I'll pick up some Febreze at Longs Drugs and clean it up tomorrow! :D

POSTED BY KIMO (AND KONO), SUNDAY AT 12:47 PM

KEYWORDS: CUTE DOGS!, POMERANIANS, :D, KIMO SENDS HIS LOVE!


What the ████?!?

Hermano

Quincy, what the ████ is going on? Did you give Grace a key to your place or something? We can't have her snooping around and reading the scripts. There are a lot of ideas in there that I have to run past Peter first to see if there's going to be any problems with CBS! █████ █. ███████ ██████! I thought this blog was only for OUR use! Can you take care of this ASAP? Thanks. I'm having enough hassle still dealing with jet lag. By the way, I think Curry may be headed for the Swiss Ms. Chocolate factory -- you know, the place that produces chocolate products made using milk from organically-fed cows. I know she is crazy about this stuff.

POSTED BY HERMANO, SUNDAY AT 5:16 PM

KEYWORDS: TOP SECRET SCRIPTS, SECURITY BREACH, OUR UNDEVELOPED IDEAS ENDING UP ON THE INTERNET, CONSPIRACY.


OK, I'm on it

Quincy

Uh ... er ... OK ... I thought that I had put all of those scripts in the locked filing cabinet. I managed to block GP's access so she (or her dog -- sigh) can't post anything else, but I can't get in touch with Roger Takahamo, the building manager, to make sure that everything is OK. I am going to have to leave Switzerland on the next plane back to Hawaii to deal with this. Sorry! Good luck with the chocolate factory; I think you are right, there is no way that Curry can come to Switzerland and NOT go there.

POSTED BY QUINCY, SUNDAY AT 8:30 PM

KEYWORDS: AUGH!


Happy New Year!

Quincy

Hey guys, hope you all had a good holiday. It was nice to finally have a few weeks off from our usual "frantic pace." I think we have to explore new directions for the show this year, including some different areas of expertise for each of us. For example, there are "WTF moments," "OMG moments," and "Puh-leeze moments." Who wants to sign up for each of these? And there are some other ideas, too, like "Danno throws his arms up in the air" moments, "Steve inexplicably drives Danno's car" moments, and "Kono tilts her head to one side" moments...

POSTED BY QUINCY, SATURDAY [A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER] AT 4:26 AM

KEYWORDS: CREATIVE WRITING, SCRIPTS, STORY IDEAS, ASSIGNMENTS, DESPERATE IDEAS.


Augh!

Curry

I'm depressed. My satellite dish appears to have fallen out of whack while I was out town for the holidays. I have two inputs: Sat1 and Sat2. The Sat2 signal is so weak that I keep losing, usually a sign that the dish is misaligned. I've tested the signal strength on numerous transponders and it tests out okay during the actual testing, but in viewing, it keeps failing. This means I have to climb out on my roof and fix the damned thing. Until today, there was a fair amount of cloud cover, so I was hoping it was just that. But today, there's not a single wisp of cloud in the sky -- perfect blue skies -- and the signal drop is worse than ever. It fluctuates from channel to channel and even from within the same program. Driving me batshit. I have stories to work on and do not have time (or inclination, really) for this. I may try to just tell my DVR that I only have one Sat input and see if that helps. It means I can't record one program while watching another, but that's less of an inconvenience than climbing out on the roof in the bitter cold and maybe falling off and breaking my neck. Of course, I could actually hire someone to come out and fix it, but that takes a week (or more) and I'm also too stingy. Plus, I spent a fortune on Christmas presents and I'm trying not to spend a penny more than absolutely necessary. This is really annoying, because if I don't get it fixed, I'm sure this will screw up my ability to watch tomorrow night's episode!

POSTED BY CURRY, SUNDAY AT 10:47 AM

KEYWORDS: SATELLITE DISH, TRANSMISSION, TELEVISION SIGNAL, TECHNICAL SUPPORT, PARSIMONIOUS.


Not getting better

Curry

I did get out on the roof (in my jammies, no less), but it didn't help. Still having the same issue. Seems that my odd transponders get a perfectly good signal, but my even ones don't. Now that I tweaked the dish ever so slightly (damn thing's been up there for 17 years, I doubt it's been moved in all that time, and I actually didn't think I moved it all, but the signal strength has changed, so I guess I did move it a smidgen), the signal on the even transponders is worse, which means I evidently did do *something,* but it 's UNBELIEVABLY cold outside, and REALLY windy, I am terrified I'm going to fall off my roof. I was clinging to the damned dish the whole time (it's about five feet higher up the roof from the window out of which I crawled to get onto my roof). I kept having these visions of the dish breaking free from the roof from the weight of me clinging to it, and me dangling half off my roof with the dish hanging by a cable that's slowly fraying away. (Hmmm, maybe this scenario is a good idea for a story...) It's probably a 10-foot drop from the edge of my roof to the driveway. I doubt it would kill me, but it's about a 20-foot roll down the roof first. I can just imagine falling hard enough to break something but not enough to just go ahead and kill me and put me out of my misery. Anyway ... I may try again in an hour or so to adjust the dish in the other direction. I have no frigging idea what I'm doing. My neighbor is supposed to come home from the holidays today, so I may just wait until he gets here and then he can maybe sit in front of the TV and see if things change as I try to adjust the damned dish. The thing doesn't seem to move at all, but who knows?

POSTED BY CURRY, MONDAY AT 9:11 AM

KEYWORDS: SATELLITE DISH, DO-IT-YOURSELF REPAIRS, DANGER, RISK TO LIFE AND LIMB.


Still not OK!

Curry

I have decided it's a conspiracy of some kind. Most channels are watchable, even though some have a message on the screen that says the Sat2 signal cannot be found. Occasionally, there's a channel I can't get at the moment, but if I flip channels enough, that channel eventually decides to come in. I'm debating whether I want to buy a new one or whether I'll just call my satellite provider and threaten to cancel my service and see if they cower in fear at losing me as a customer and offer to do something without charge (this has worked with other companies where I've been a long-term customer). I didn't get to watch the show last night, by the way. Was it any good?

POSTED BY CURRY, TUESDAY AT 4:55 PM

KEYWORDS: ANNOYED, PISSED OFF, FRUSTRATED, ANGRY, CONSPIRACY.


Finally!

Curry

I lost all signals yesterday morning. Unwilling to do a repeat rooftop escapade, I broke down and called my service provider. They sent a technician out free, saying they were doing this because I've been a customer for so long (about 17 years). The guy came out this morning -- ironically a Russian guy called Boris -- and replaced a box thingie on the outside wall of my house. It was explained to me that this is a signal booster between the dish and my house. It's supposed to be completely weatherproof, blah, blah, but it is completely exposed, sitting at the base of some bushes in summer and buried in the snow in winter. I'm going to cover it with plastic and tape, just to keep it safe, I think.

Anyway, took the guy all of five minutes to perform this repair and now everything is hunky-dory. Didn't cost me a dime. Prior to his arrival, after calling yesterday, I got behind my entertainment center, pulled the 900-pound thing out from the wall and disconnected every cable and wire. The was a lot of dust and whatnot back there, so I spent a couple of hours cleaning. I then wiped down every cable, figured out where they all went, and eliminated the ones that were left over from previous installations, et cetera. I disconnected my 12" laserdisc player since I never use it anymore. I also disconnected my stereo platter, since I only used that on very are occasions to transfer something from vinyl to CD with my computer. I tied up all the cabled and got everything off the floor. I labeled everything several times. Finally, I spent about three hours with my steam cleaner, going over and over and over again a spot I discovered back there where the cats had created an "alternate" litter box for themselves. No wonder there was this on again/off again cat pee smell I'd get down here every once in a while. Fortunately, I own a portable steam cleaner, so I used up a whole bottle of shampoo and cleaned that spot real good. Then I sprayed everything with a cat repellant spray that has worked well in the past.

So now everything is working and it's all clean and shiny and organized. I feel so geeky. I'm now watching "Lawnmower Man." : )

POSTED BY CURRY, THURSDAY AT 10:10 AM

KEYWORDS: REPAIR, TECHNICAL SUPPORT, SATELLITE DISH, FIXED, BAD PUSSYCATS.


Hiro Noshimuri -- a nice guy?

C/H/Q

There is no doubt that supervillain Hiro Noshimuri (played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) is one of the most evil characters ever seen on Five-O. Here are some suggestions after Mr. Mike asked us to whip up some "good things" to make Noshimuri seem more "human." Maybe we should make him a member of the Lions or the Rotary Clubs too?

ON THE OUTSIDE (seen in flashbacks):

• He likes to take an hour every day away from his busy work schedule to help elderly tourists across some of Honolulu's more dangerous intersections.
• One of his preferred colognes is 'Baby's Breath' (though it is made of actual baby's breath).
• When knocking someone down with a karate move, he always gently cradles their head to the ground so they do not suffer any bumps or bruising.
• If he is going to impale someone with a Japanese ceremonial sword, he makes sure the blade is superheated so as to cauterize his opponent's wound and prevent serious infection or hemorrhaging.

ON THE INSIDE (Halawa Correctional):

• To help protect the environment, he has asked the prison laundry to have his shirts washed with low starch instead of heavy starch.
• To kill time while waiting for his trial, he has taken up knitting to create baby booties for children of the guards.
•  When he's having a prolonged session on the toilet because of prison food, he always provides a courtesy flush to avoid contributing to unpleasant odors in the area.
• If he sees one of his fellow convicts near him with their fly open, he tries to prevent embarrassment to the person by passing gas, thereby directing people's attention away from the open fly to him.

POSTED BY C/H/Q, FRIDAY AT 8:03 AM

KEYWORDS: HIRO NOSHIMURI, VILLAIN, BAD GUY, EVIL, SINISTER, SLIMY.


The Torture Never Stops

Hermano

Hey, guys, I was at the mall the other day, and noticed they have this "Hurricane Simulator." It looks like a plexiglass phone booth. You insert your money ($2!!) and step inside and then are subject to "hurricane force" winds (up to 78 mph, which doesn't seem that fast). I watched someone do this -- it didn't really have much of an effect, other than to muss up their hair. Anyway, I was wondering if we can incorporate this into a future episode as an "extreme interrogation technique." I'll ask the special effects guys if they can raise the speed of the wind to something like 200 mph. Or maybe they can create a "Tsunami Simulator" where you put someone in the booth and then a million gallons of water comes pouring in through the ceiling?

POSTED BY HERMANO, WEDNESDAY AT 9:54 AM

KEYWORDS: TORTURE, INTERROGATION, ABUSE, HURRICANE, TSUNAMI, WIND, CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS, CONSPIRACY.


Commercials!

Quincy

I heard from Peter a few days ago. He told me that after the recent Subway commercial, there was such a huge amount of press (both good and bad) that he wanted us to come with more ads. So I cranked out the following. It's already filmed! And it's going to be on an Entertainment Tonight feature this weekend about product placement in TV shows. Have you guys got any more ideas?

Here is the script:

McGarrett, Chin Ho and Lori are chasing a female suspect through Ala Moana Park. They think that the suspect has ducked into the women's washroom by the beach. In a reversal of the scene in an earlier show where Kono was freaked out about going into the men's washroom, Chin and McGarrett stand outside while Lori goes into to investigate. She is in there a LONG time...

McGarrett: Is everything all right?

Lori (mumbled, can't hear what she is saying)

McGarrett: OK, we're coming in.

(He and Chin enter the washroom, crouched in the usual manner, expecting trouble.)

(Lori is seen, she turns suddenly, surprised by McGarrett and Chin's entrance. She is standing beside a machine dispensing Always feminine protection.)

McGarrett (agitated): What's going on, Lori?

Lori (flustered): Holy moley, Steve! Sorry, I had to take care of something. I was having a "girly moment," if you know what I mean. (Points at the dispensing machine) Did you know that Always has an incredibly soft cover sheet? It's designed to work with the pad's Infinicel core to help you feel dry! Also, at the center of each pad you'll find Microdots that help quickly guide fluid deep inside and away from you. Always is the best -- its revolutionary wing design gives you secure protection. Flexible wings hug the curvature of your panty and provide optimal coverage at your panty's sides. As well, there are form-fitting channels for great leakage protection, which move with the body. And they're designed to be wider in the back, providing increased coverage where you need it most!

(McGarrett and Chin are both speechless, they look like they are blushing.)

McGarrett: Oh, OK, whatever, let's get the hell out of here...

(The three of them exit the washroom.)

BTW, I wanted Grace to do this product placement, but she refused. She was quoted in the ET feature: "I'm glad that they got Lauren to do this commercial, not me. She really is a ████."

POSTED BY QUINCY, SATURDAY AT 11:01 AM

KEYWORDS: PRODUCT PLACEMENT, COMMERCIALS, ADS, ADVERTISING, AD REVENUE, SHILLING, MONEY UNDER THE TABLE.