This is a list of trivia, oddities and mistakes I've jotted down over the years while watching Hawaii Five-O. Much of this information may not be considered "politically correct" today -- there are plenty of "bad" words in here which may upset the sensitive, so if you might freak out, then read no further! Plenty of spoilers too! Copyright ©1994-1995 by Mike Quigley. No reproduction of any kind without permission.
192 Nine Dragons
The season opener for the ninth season, and my favorite Five-O episode. An outstanding score by Morton Stevens, especially in the scenes where McGarrett is horribly tortured by Wo Fat (referred to as "behaviour modification through stress"). A harpsichord melody near the beginning suggests John Barry's From Russia with Love! I like the way Po Ling's car blows up when it is pushed over the cliff. After Danny and Duke go to visit "Doctor Sheng" (Wo Fat) and meet this other bald guy at the door, there is an inexplicable cut when we see Baldy walk across the room, then Wo Fat walks onto the balcony. Lots of gore when the security guards are shot. When Chin brings the V9 gas to McGarrett, has he first checked the canister for fingerprints?
194 Man on Fire
In this show, Dr. Ormsby says "Any contact with plutonium can be fatal" (see episode #132!). Suggestion of abortion when the woman who was contaminated by plutonium is told she is pregnant. The ending, with McGarrett avoiding cannisters supposedly filled with "plutonium" is ridiculous.
196 Tour de Force -- Killer Aboard
Reference to Chin Ho as "Charlie Chan" in this show -- McGarrett calls him "Charlie"! Stewardess says the guy was killed "on the last seat by the window on the right hand side," but he is on the left hand side of the plane, if you are facing towards the front.
198 Heads, You're Dead
When the three bad guys are relaxing on the boat, it looks like there is someone else's shadow in the picture.
199 Let Death do Us Part
A pretty complicated, tightly-written episode. Chin Ho says "Charlie Chan knows all," referring to himself. In a show around this, McGarrett is shown coming out of a Rotary Club luncheon.
200 Double Exposure
Danno is a real hustler in this episode. Thayer David plays Mr. Weston, a very creepy guy who wears kabuki-like makeup and is into Japanese culture. Seth Sakai is also pretty creepy, playing a bald-headed gangster. The ending, with McGarrett and a helicopter, is absurd.
202 Target -- A Cop
Old lady insists she be called "Ms. Pelcher." You can see the crack in Don Stroud's ass when he falls on the floor. McGarrett quotes a poem by Edward Markham. Although Seth Sakai is identified in the credits as "Captain Charles," McGarrett asks for "Captain Sakai" when phoning him.
204 Man in a Steel Frame
One of the better shows revealing the "human side" of McGarrett. He's shown playing tennis and with his girl friend on his boat. When McG is calling the operator at the beginning of the show, is there someone else's shadow on the lamp in front of him? Chick Matsuda picks up the phone to check the dial tone -- doesn't he care about finger prints? Check the articles in the newspaper with the large headline about McGarrett -- they have nothing to do with the subject. Both McGarrett and Manicote freak out in this show.
205 Ready... Aim...
Stars Manu Tupou as a Japanese cop named Kimo Nahanni (hardly a Japanese name!). The scene in the restaurant after Tupou talks to France Nuyen on the beach is exactly the same as when he first calls her. When Nahanni is in Tokyo at the beginning, the Japanese characters on walls and banners are poorly made. Some of them are more like Chinese than Japanese characters.
208 A Capitol Crime
The governor in this show is named "Paul Jameson." Jimmy Borges does a very good performance as a night-club entertainer. Interesting hand-hand camera work at the beginning when the governor arrives. Dick Davalos, who appears in this episode, was James Dean's brother in "East of Eden."
209 To Die in Paradise
Why does Lois Nettleton mention a helicopter when they first arrive on the island? Is this some kind of foreshadowing for when one of the kidnappers later asks the grocery store owner? Lois Nettleton's song is pretty awful. So are the hippies.
210 Blood Money is Hard to Wash
A show full of sarcastic lines. The football team owner: "I'd rather have cancer than sell my team to you." How can the cops' camera see Victor throwing the club on the golf course? The angle is totally incorrect. Was Che Fong in this show? He was in the credits. McGarrett gets his hair trimmed at The Hair House. The scene where McGarrett rolls over the desk after the bomb looks like an out-take from the earlier episode "A Gun for McGarrett." Why do both cops leave when the fire starts? This is stupid. In the car, McG's voice doesn't match his lips when he is talking on the radio. E. Lynn Kimoto plays Lani, the 5-O receptionist.
212 Requiem for a Saddle Bronc Rider
McGarrett hangs up the phone before Danno replies "Got it, Steve" at one point. Note when Chin Ho is on the bus, he is standing in front of the "line" (highly illegal!).
213 See How She Runs
Kwan Hi Lim plays a peeping Tom. He refers to the people going into the motel as a "swap meet." Mention of cocaine. The hippie cult leader says to the runaway: "You're not weeping, are you, Willow?" (gag)
214 Practical Jokes Can Kill You
Seems to use footage from "Turkey Shoot at Makapuu." Uses the "pile driver" sound, as well as the civil defense trucks.
215 Up the Rebels
At the beginning of the show, the bad divers throw a bunch of knock-out gas at the soldiers. But when they arrive on the scene to remove the weapons, they are not wearing any gas masks themselves.
217 The Cop on the Cover
Governor to McGarrett: "I'm not asking you to pose for a centerfold!" McGarrett talks of the Hawaiian people being exploited.
218 The Friends of Joey Kalima
McGarrett quote: "If women are so smart, why do they dance backwards?" How do McG and Joey get into the record shop at the end of the show? Is it open?
219 Descent of the Torches
A very long "first act." McG talks to himself while he is trying to figure out the "code words." How does the "code" work?
225 East Wind -- Ill Wind
Directed by Reza Badiyi, who designed the main titles. How can the mute girl see the guy drowning at the beginning? Isn't he behind the boat?
226 Tread the King's Shadow
When Cameron's private detective traces the call, he completes the operation in about 25 seconds. Compare this with the numerous times when McGarrett gets a call in the office which he wants Danno or someone to trace ... they can't do it in a couple of minutes. This episode is interesting for the way McGarrett tells the Governor off. The ending is stupid -- especially McG's remark that "David brought the girl here trying to do the right thing." Kwan Hi Lim plays an abortionist.
228 A Short Walk on the Longshore
McGarrett fakes leaving town at the height of an investigation into the murder of a union longshore candidate, only to reappear in disguise as "Riley," sporting a moustache and wig. One wonders how he can keep these on, considering how many fights he's in (not to mention kissing Sharon Farrell). McGarrett drinks in this show, which he never does in "real life," and stuffs money down a bar girl's cleavage. He also slugs Danno, nearly breaking his hand. Duke and Chin hang out at some of Honolulu's sleazier spots to get information. Farrell appears as an opium-smoking dope fiend, girlfriend of the murdered man. After being released from jail, she wants to go back to McG's place where she tells him "we'll make it." The ending of this show is somewhat inconclusive -- Farrell dies after being drilled by some gangsters and that's it! The music -- not particularly memorable -- is by Ernest Gold, who wrote the score to "Exodus."
229 The Silk Trap
McGarrett emphasizes to Danno he must refer to one woman as "Ms." The boss of the beauty contest is a total bitch. McGarrett examines some film negative, but it is actually a positive.
230 Head to Head
Interesting shot when Duke looks in the car window and gets showered by the fire hydrant. At one point Chin refers to drugs as "The stuff that dreams are made of."
231 Tall on a Wave
Score contains rock music. They find the girl's body fast at the beginning. Focus of this show is on Danno. Why is the house of the bad guy so far away from the beach? The ending is stupid -- the girl is not in any danger of falling!
232 Angel in Blue
Carol Lynley does an exceptionally bad acting job in this show. Watch the ash on her cigarette in the bar scene -- looks like she is smoking pretty fast.
233 When Does a War End?
Interesting up to a point ... but at the end everything falls apart, with McGarrett muttering banalities about war. The psycho in combat gear, instead of bayonetting the daughter at the end, goes into some crouch which looks like he has diarrhea. I wish he would have bayonetted Anne Francis, whose performance is wretched.
235 Frozen Assets
The first "wave" before a commercial does not have ominous music! Kwan Hi Lim appears as the Attorney General named Kwan Hi Lim. Several horrible puns in this episode. This show uses lots of stock 5-0 actors.
236 My Friend, the Enemy
Luciana Paluzzi stars as Liana LaBella ("the beautiful"), an Italian scandal-mongering journalist who is no doubt based on Oriana Fallaci. This show see-saws back and forth between comic and serious, with uneven results. When Danno meets McGarrett at the beginning, he talks about seeing LaBella on "the Mike Douglas show" and then seems to be screwing up his lines when he talks about how she covers "all the beautiful ... uh ... people ... in the ... in the ... beautiful places." As the Princess leaves the yacht, there is either some dirt or a weird reflection on the camera lens. Danno has the hots for LaBella ... McGarrett scowls. She refers to Danno as a "handsome young man." McGarrett warns Danno about mixing business with pleasure. Danno replies, "You know me, Steve." McGarrett counters, "That's exactly why I mentioned it." This show features a female judge. McGarrett tells her, "Sue me!" Duke gets a faceful of darkroom chemicals. When he returns to the Five-O office, McGarrett is very sympathetic. Some of the relationships in this show are complicated. At the end, McGarrett invites LaBella to dinner. She says, "I behaved like an idiot." McGarrett responds, "Never argue with a lady." The score by Fred Steiner (credited as both composer and conductor) has an Italianate flavour.
237 A Stranger in His Grave
John Hillerman refers to his secretary as "a dumb broad."
238 A Death in the Family
The opening scenes are letterboxed. McGarrett cries after he hears about Chin's death.
239 The Sleeper
A yawnable season opener, to put it mildly, with a weird score by John Cacavas. When Fallon (Steve Kanaly) offers McGarrett a drink, McG reponds: "I never use booze, but I'll take you up on a Kona coffee." When the think-tank member is crushed by a car, the soundtrack goes dead and the pre-commercial "wave" following is totally silent! The lab determines that the killer car has "paint of German manufacture" (picky, picky). The way McGarrett administers the lie detector test is somewhat informal. The scene where Andrew Duggan hypnotizes the policeman really stretches credibility. Features use of what looks like a Sony Betamax VCR. There's a cool in-joke in this show. Duggan claims he was watching "God's Little Acre" on TV, a movie which starred Jack Lord!
240 Horoscope for Murder
The motivation for Tab Hunter to murder all the people is pretty lame. Do the horoscope predictions by Samantha Eggar actually make sense, astrologically speaking?
243 The Case Against Philip Christie
Christie's wife Penny (Nicole Erickson) is a very shitty actress. Kwan Hi Lim plays a judge named Kwan Him Lim. Al ("Doc") Eben plays the Coroner! Sending the jury to the murder scene while they are deliberating is a highly unusual move, in my opinion!
243 Small Potatoes
Must be a big budget for this show -- a Rolls-Royce gets rammed! Features some deep kissing and suggestion of nudity in the bathtub. McGarrett wears a grey wig and moustache when he goes to the gambling den.
245 Death Mask
This is the only show where the main titles are in a different kind of type. Danno comes up with several bad jokes. Why are local calls included on a phone bill -- what kind of phone system did they have in Honolulu, anyway?
246 The Pagoda Factor
The governor refers to the escaped convict as "Pal Joey" (very good!). What the heck does the title of this episode mean, anyway? The music throughout is pretty crappy.
247 A Long Time Ago
A show revealing the "human side" of Danno. Moe ("Truck") Keale plays a pizza-making snitch! Plenty of stunts in this episode. Why the focus on McGarrett at the end?
248 Why Won't Linda Die?
Features some goopy music with a vocal line. The coroner in this episode is very snotty.
Danno wants the lab to look at the tires of the car which blew up at the beginning -- I thought the whole car was totally fried! During a couple of scenes later, the wipers on a car are moving, through it doesn't seem to be raining. Hard to believe Ross Martin is the same guy who was in Experiment in Terror.
256 The Execution File
Sordid subject matter as Robert Loggia plays an ex-cop with a troubled past who rescues young girls from prostitution and knocks off their pimps. Plenty of talk of prostitution and rape. Jimmy Borges plays a pimp. Banal ending, however. The song "Do You Think I'm Sexy" is mentioned in the final credits.
257 A Very Personal Matter
A pretty good "contemporary issues" show dealing with doctors who overprescribe drugs like quaaludes. Cameron Mitchell appears as Tom Riordan, an old Navy comrade of McGarrett, whose son dies after an overdose. The credibility of this episode is nearly derailed by the presence of Simone Griffeth as well-stacked blonde dance instructor Gerry Colby. I don't understand why McG gets her participation -- he warns her she will be doing "undercover work." How does he know her? She seems very concerned about "young people." Even Fritz Weaver as Dr. Danworth, the suspected pill pusher, tells her: "You look pretty healthy to me." McG, having his doubts about persecuting Danworth, at one point says, "My God, maybe I misjudged the man," and later apologizes to him. Tommy Fujiwara appears as a judge.
258 The Skyline Killer
This episode is well-written and contains an outstanding score by Dick DeBenedictis plus some effective hand-held camera work. There are suggests of nudity at the beginning when Erin Black (Spray Rosso) is taking a shower ("Spray"?). But why does she throw her hands up when she screams? Charles Cioffi plays Norman Klane, an "investigative reporter" whose attempts to get an exclusive story from the killer conflict with McGarrett's obsessive investigation. Near the beginning, McGarrett is uncharacteristically not wearing a tie. At one point McG mentions the Son of Sam. The killer reveals he is motivated by "those tramps exposing themselves at their windows, wearing those clothes that show." McG's phone's ring is very noisy at one point! He tells the Five-O team to "check every flower shop in the city." There are some mind-boggling stunts on the crane at the end -- since when is McGarrett so agile up in the air? (Stunt men are actually listed in the credits.)
261 Who Says Cops Don't Cry
Sharon Farrell turns in an excellent performance as the widow of a cop who was going to join Five-O seeking vengeance on the gang who gunned him down during a robbery. McGarrett makes a credit card phone call to his office from San Francisco (his card number is 1773881184A.) The Island Shopper's Market has a 555-8600 phone number. I like Farrell's red Mustang! The bad guys tail Farrell in a much more subtle way than Five-O usually does. At the show's finale, both Kimo (William Smith) and Farrell join Five-O (Truck doesn't appear, though McG talks to him on the phone). A good show overall (directed by Jack Lord), with an excellent score by Stevens.
262 Though the Heavens Fall
Kimo joins the club as an archery expert -- get serious! There is talk of "male chauvinists." McGarrett makes a very mundane speech at the end.
263 Sign of the Ram
Use of the line -- "an offer you can't refuse."
264 Good Help is Hard to Find
The boxing announcer from the previous show plays a hard-hitting TV newsman. The ending is full of horrible banalities.
269 The Kahuna
This is the episode which features the opening shot of Kimo, though the angle is different.
Features a faggy hairdresser.
273 The Golden Noose
A pretty bad episode -- the only thing of interest is Irene Yah Ling Sun (a total babe) playing Nadira. At the beginning of the show, when her boyfriend James Weaver (Joe Moore) says "I love you," she replies, "We'll explore that later..." When the governor meets the representatives from "Baradak, SE Asia" at the airport, he has sideburns and his hair is ruffled by the wind. Ed Lauter's supposedly Irish accent drifts all over the place. When the bodyguard with the turban follows Nadira, at the curb he pushes her, she falls, but in the next shot she is shown standing up, and the bodyguard falls on the street where his turban is knocked off when he is hit -- this seems improbable. When Nadira overhears the "Dutchman" is trafficking in arms, how does she know where to find him -- does she know this is the name of his scrapyard which she could get out of the Yellow Pages? Nadira gets into the scrapyard through a door while others are locking the gate right beside her. When McGarrett knocks the large gate down, his car doesn't seem to have suffered much damage. The whole procedure getting the gold by shooting a laser through the floor of the bank and causing the gold to melt, running down tubes into molds, is idiotic. Why do the people operating the laser machine have to always wear thick gloves? I like the way that McGarrett gets a map of the city under the bank in about 10 minutes. At the end, McG tells Kimo to go up and check out the bad guys! Ed Fernandez plays Baradak stooge, P. Sandifer. The music, by Les Hooper, is crappy throughout.
276 A Bird in Hand...
An unbearably bad show -- my nomination for worst Five-O episode of all. The writing at the beginning of the show with the bird-watching tourists is reminiscent of The Dukes of Hazzard. Why do the tourists take pictures of the sugar mill? It doesn't seem to be even remotely interesting! The bad guys in this show following the orders of the hyper-paranoid "con artist of the century" Anthony del Vecchi (John Dehner) give new meaning to the expression "ubiquitous" -- they know more about what is going on than Five-O usually does. They manage to get back to the tour bus company's drop-off point not only before the bus arrives, but also manage to park themselves on a nearby boat (do they own it?). At her apartment, Angie Walker (Lara Parker) dries her hair (though it doesn't seem wet) which conveniently covers up the noise of her apartment being broken into. After she discovers the hole in the sliding door, why doesn't she call the cops? Instead, she opens up her closet (one would suspect she is familiar with what's inside) and freaks when the ironing board falls out. Why doesn't she tell her editor that her apartment was broken into when she talks to him on the phone shortly after? As Kimo and Angie drive away from the scene where the cowboy singer and his wife were murdered, a large truck pursues them in a scene reminiscent of the movie Duel (1971). When the truck forces them off the road, the perspective behind them is totally wrong and the car is nowhere near the edge of the cliff, despite a closeup which shows it just about falling over. The tour bus company's office is conveniently burned down. As he quizzes the bald Seth Sakai about the student on the bird-watching bus, McGarrett seems to be flubbing his lines: "Uh ... where does ... uh ... this student live?" After the student is shot, how does his body get to the top of the beach so quickly? Angie's gasps as she and McG check the film in her apartment are too much! When the burly Santos hides in the back seat of Angie's car, why doesn't she see him ... the car isn't that big! Kimo visits the sugar factory pretending to be a building inspector -- why don't the all-knowing bad guys recognize him? One has to wonder why Del Vecchi just pays off the employees who were helping put the gold in pineapple cans --- wouldn't he kill them instead? McGarrett tells Kimo to grab one of the cases in the pineapple warehouse ... McGarrett isn't taking any risks! And then he tells Kimo to rescue Angie from the grasp of Santos. Interestingly, Kimo gives instructions to McGarrett using Santos' walkie-talkie, which Del Vecchi surely could hear. When Del Vecchi falls off the balcony near the end, Kimo says "he's dead" almost immediately. Horrible, horrible banalities at the end, with McGarrett reading a poem. He starts by saying "When I was a boy, my father used to give us a penny a line to learn poetry." Terrible!!! The acting by Kimo and Truck in this episode is zombie-like. The end is near...
277 The Moroville Covenant
This would probably be the worst episode if it weren't so unbelievably boring ... the cast seem to be on Valium! The plot [sic] deals with an up-and-coming Senatorial candidate with a secret (though not particular shady by today's standards) in his past, including a couple of ill-handled flashbacks. McGarrett has a couple of quotes of interest: "It's a rotten business ... politics" and "Virtue is the only good and self-control the only means of achieving virtue," the latter a comment from a famous ancient Greek cynic (please!). The car that the Senator-to-be was driving 24 years before was an Edsel ... what a sneaky way to mention Ford! When McGarrett and Kimo are quizzing one of the suspects, there is a huge echo in the interrogation room. The final confrontation between Paul Burke, Diane McBain and Helen Funai is embarrassingly bad and the music by James Di Pasquale is insipid. Danny Kamekona appears as a police lieutenant. By the way, check the closeup of the squealing tire near the beginning ... you can see the WD-40!
278 Woe to Wo Fat
A very disappointing final show. Is Wo Fat so stupid he can't see through McGarrett's disguise (among other things)? Where are the Governor and Duke?
Revised February 24, 1996
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